« Post #3 Comments | Main | Post #5: Striving To Reach Perfection.. »

Comments

Richard Mun

Collen, I have to say this is one impressive post on the George Catlin’s “Pigeons Egg Head.” I would have to say it is one of the best I have read so thus far. I like how you had a very strong thesis statement and how it was supported by your body paragraph. You used great example from your Davidson textbook the, “The Trail of Tears.” I like how you tied, “The Trail of Tears” to George Catlin’s “Pigeons Egg Head” showing your audience that there were many conflicts with the white settlers thus also backing up your thesis statement. Although the entry a very good one, nothing is ever perfect. One mistake I found in your entry was that you forgot to cite your sources. I knew “The Trail of Tears” was from your textbook but first time readers might want to know where you are getting all your information from. Second I wanted to point out that this entry involved a lot of observing and I think one way to make your blog entry a little bit more user friendly is actually show the different parts of the picture. Most people are lazy and sometimes even slow so they might not understand or comprehend what you are saying as might you think they would. Lastly, I like to point out was I don’t quite understand what you mean by this paragraph, “Catlin shows sympathy toward the Native Americans in his painting by portraying, on the right side of the painting, suggestions that the Natives sill have a sense of culture, even after the whites influenced them. A part of the Indians culture still remains and is shown by the feather sticking out of “Pigeons Egg Heads'” top hat and also his hair is still long, or even longer than before.” How does this mean that Catlin is showing sympathy? This paragraph was unclear and needs more explanation. Other then that your blog entry was insightful. Cheers.

Asma Z. /Group 9

wow, colleen, that's all i can say. Your post was very well written. There were many good things about it. First off, i really liked how you gave the little history of the trail of tears in the middle of the text. Though it is in the middle, you made it so it doesn't seem out of place...and then you went on to describe the other side of the picure. This was very well done. Also another thing that you did well was when you were describing things about pigeon's egg and how differant he was when he came back you didn't just list what was differant, you described each one and how it made him differant. It was very hard to find things that you didn't do so well, but i guess one thing was your introduction. It kind of just starts. You need to put a hook sentence that pulls the readers in. Secondly, in the 2nd paragraph when you describe him before he went to Washington, you didn't describe him as much as you did when he came back. Try to explain it a bit more and lastly, though your conclusion is effective, you are kind of just explaining what we already know. Your restating your introduction basically. Other than that, VERY nicely done. It was hard to find suggestions of imporovement. keep up the good work!

Verify your Comment

Previewing your Comment

This is only a preview. Your comment has not yet been posted.

Working...
Your comment could not be posted. Error type:
Your comment has been posted. Post another comment

The letters and numbers you entered did not match the image. Please try again.

As a final step before posting your comment, enter the letters and numbers you see in the image below. This prevents automated programs from posting comments.

Having trouble reading this image? View an alternate.

Working...

Post a comment