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Comments

Asma Z./Group 9

I think that you have a very strong argument. I liked how to you started out with a sentence that gave the reader some history about your topic and then you gradulally moved up to your thesis statement. however, about your thesis statement, the last sentence that wasn't bold i think needs to be bold along with the other sentence before that. secondly your second paragraph sounds alot like you are just listing. Try to break it down and explain every bit with a sentence or two. lastly, your last paragraph is very strong but the last couple of sentences, i don't know whether they go greatly with your post. i kind of got lost in the last sentence, it doesn' seem like it is the of the same topic. overall, you post was very strong and argumentative and you provided great examples.

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